For hope and healing after abortion

A Husband's Dilemma

A few summers ago, my wife discovered that she was pregnant. This was bad news for we did not want any more children. We have two already, a boy and a girl. To her it was simple, just end the pregnancy. To me it was a little different, have the child. I had recently returned to my faith in the last few years and I was strongly opposed to an abortion.

My wife did not agree. You see, she is in her forties and her doctor told her of all the risks involved in a pregnancy at her age. She was told that there was a high risk of a child being born with Downs Syndrome when the mother is in her forties. I told the doctor I was not happy with the idea of terminating the pregnancy. I was in a jam. What was I going to do? My wife was proceeding with the arrangements to end the pregnancy. I told her I didn't agree, but that I would stick by her. I did not want to impose my will. I thought that if this child was born with something wrong and I made her have the baby, there was not going to be a rock big enough for me to hide under.

I relented. I went to the clinic with her. I had been praying that God would end this for us (miscarriage) to protect us from having to do this horrible thing that we were about to do. At the clinic, I was in despair. I was failing to protect my child. I let her go through with it. I contemplated rushing into the room at the last second to save my child, but I didn't. I am so sorry.

My feelings of guilt and remorse have been following me since. I felt like such a hypocrite. Going to Mass on Sundays I felt like a phony. Recently, I was attending an event where there was opportunity for reconciliation. Confession!!! I was not going to go. Somehow, I found myself sitting across from a priest. I started to tell my story. I started to cry. I felt Gods hands on me, forgiving me. My only hope now is that my wife can seek forgiveness.